So I've been thinking..?

When I get done with all this, this whole life here (if you could even call it that), what will happen to this blog? Will it just be something to look back on later in life? Like, "Oh, look at what I did when I was bored back then."

I don't really want to think about it at all, that is, my future. It's scary, scares the shit out of me, and when it finally comes that time.. How scared will I be then? I've always had this mentality of eternal youth, that shit would never hit the roof. Older now, and I realize it does. Quite often considering my certain experiances. Anyways. I can't really explain what I will think will happen, but I think my views are very... Idealistic? Sometimes it seems I'm hoping for something that is out of reach. Like when you were a kid and couldn't reach the cabinets? Or even now depending on your height.

Suppose I really do get expelled..?

I hate how people take their anger out on me. I don't deserve this. Yes, I do. I take my anger out on people, but not the people who usually do it to me. Does that make sense? I only do it to a few people, people who really get me. People who see the real me. Again, does that make sense? I have two sides of me, I think. Not bipolar or anything, but I guess my mood depends on the moods of others. Make sense? Some days I'll wake up independent, not really giving a flying fuck and then some days... I let myself be controlled by not my mind, but the minds of others. Annoying, but I think it's because I care too much. Because I'm too much of a nice person.

I feel awkward around my own kind. My own people. The "weird" kids in school, I feel like I don't even fit in with them. I feel out of place, not special. Or at least by the way they treat me, I don't know. It's only one person, though. I'm pinning this on one person, and it's the guy I've trusted myself with the most. No, not the most. That's another person. Yeah, another person. Anyways, he's.. been there at least. He treats me like shit. 'Bout time he got a reality check. So. Suppose, just suppose, I did get expelled. How liberating it would be to see him miserable for once in his life. To know how it really feels. I am horrible. Horrible. Yes, I admit it. He deserves to realize how life really is fucked up, and realize all he's being is a baby. Sheltered from real society his whole life, and pleading desperately for attention to obtain something he never had. How rude of me.

I think it's interesting how far money can travel. One person to another. I wonder how many lives just a simple dollar has affected people's lives for the better or for the worse. How it's affected them at all, really. Helping to put money in the bank? Helping to put food on the table for the wife and kids? Helping to buy that new video game? Helping a friend out? I wonder. Or maybe it didn't help at all, and was simply misplaced on a sidewalk somewhere to be picked up by another. Who knows.

I think I'm done for tonight.

That has to be a favorite of mine.


I mean, just look at her. I SAW HER IN CONCERT, BTW.


I don't know if I've told everybody that four million times yet, pretty sure I'm somewhere near that, though. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING ISSSSS YOU DIDN'T AND I DID. :D





CLICK ON THIS FOR SOMETHING SEXY --> •





So hey!


It was my birthday yesterdaaaay, and it was pretty crap. But I'm pretty sure it'll be better today considering I have 80 dollars and a DEATH WISH. No, no. Just 80 dollars. I'm going to buy The Sims 3. And that's about all I know to buy. I still have to get my phone card (shit!), and that's gonna cost 20 bucks... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY THAT IS? Okay, I don't know about you.. BUT THAT'S A LOT FOR ME. I'm a cheap crab and things that Yiayia can buy me, I DON'T BUY. But I'll probably end up buying it anyways. Ultimately wasting my money. WASTING IT.





I think it'll be worth it, though. The Sims 3. If it isn't, and I waste my fucking money, I'm going to be pissed as all hell. As. All. Hell. I heard from a friend who owns it that's it purtay gewdinz (She gave the graphics 9 out of 10, SO IT MUST BE GOOD).. But eh. I'm not much of a gamer anymore, so I'm not sure if I wanna dedicate myself to it, because we all knowwwww THAT THE SIMS TAKES A LOT OF WORK. I don't think I've ever played the game right.. I have, but I haven't. I always used cheats, and slacked off in life. Bought all the cool stuff, sucked all the fun out of the game and just quit playing when all the features and shit were unlocked, and it was boring. I guess that's the point? Yeah, but you're not supposed to cheat through it.

ISN'T SHE SEXY AS ALL GODAMN?!
I like 'em smart, and sexy. God, I am such a pig. Seriously, what if I was meant to be born a man? I've considered that.. Because some say I have the appearance of a chick, but the brain of a dude. I do concur. Let's go over what I like in a woman, shall we?

• Intelligence [She has to be smart. And I'm not talking, yeah I can do some math, I know how to read, blah blah smart. I'm talking about life. She has to have opinions, can CHALLENGE me.]

• (Preferably) Brunette. [Blondes don't really do it for me.]

• (Preferably) Has blue or green eyes. [I've never really liked brown eyes because they're my own eye color, and I like different things.]

• Somebody who doesn't agree with me. [Really, I don't like when somebody just sits there and agrees with everything I say. I want somebody to interrupt some time and be like, "Well, you know.. I think yadda yadda." My views are always changing and it'd feel really refreshing to .. I DON'T KNOW, I JUST LOVE TO DEBATE FUCK IT.]

I don't feel like--

• SHORTHAIRSHORTHAIRSHORTHAIR

I am now finished. :D

♥

Do you still talk to your FIRST love?
Nope.

What was your FIRST alcoholic drink?
Beer, I do believe. Yes, it was beer. NO! Yes.

What was your FIRST job?
Never really had one. :D

What was your FIRST car?
FORD TAURUS. It's not mine anymore -sobs-

Who was the FIRST person to text you today?
Yasmine. ♥ To wish me a Happy Birthday. SHE SHOULD GET AN AWARD OF SOME SORT GODAMN.

Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning?
Lmao, let's see.. Probably my mother. Calling her and stuff.

Who was your FIRST grade teacher?
UHHHH. Ms.. Ms... Mrs? Mrs. White.

Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk?
Thao was my first best friend (SHE WAS VIETNAMESE, HELL YEAH) but we don't talk anymore, no. Not much.

Where was your FIRST sleep over?
I really can't remember that one.

Who was the FIRST person you talked to today?
Yasmine! ♥♥♥

Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time?
My Uncle's and Aunt's wedding, weee.

What was the FIRST thing you did this morning?
I opened my eyes. Oh WOW. No, I stretched. I ALWAYS STRETCH AWKWARDLY IN THE MORNING.

What was the FIRST concert you ever went to?
LADY GAGA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!! YEAH!!!!! I've got to do a blog about that one. I think I already have? No. Who knows.

FIRST broken bone?
CANKLES.

FIRST piercing?
My eyes. Ears.

FIRST movie you remember seeing?
HERCULES! That's one of my favorites, actually. Really, really good movie. And not just because I'm Greek, either. 3:<

When was your FIRST detention?
In middle school. Probably from running my mouth too much. I had a problem with that back then. Still do, kind of.

Who was your FIRST roommate?
LOL. :D

If you had one wish, what would it be?
Time warp! Progress to three years from now.

What is something you would learn if you had the chance?
Uhhhhh! Oh man, that's a toughie, good question. Probably three new languages. Lmao, oh yeah. French, Japanese, and Spanish.

Did you marry the FIRST person to ask for your hand in marriage/ you asked to marry?
Yazzi. <3

What was the first sport you were involved in?
Soccer.

What were the first lessons you ever took?
PIANO. :D

What is the first thing you do when you get home?
Other than fling my pants across the room? Probably.. Go to my room. Turn up the music, and chill. Maybe watch some TV?

Who do you think will be the next person to post this?
PROBABLY NOBODY.

Would you shave your head if a family member asked you to because they had cancer?
Of course? OF COURSE. I've always wondered how it would be to be bald. And plus, I'm a really great friend -strikes a pose-. Yes, hell yes.

What would you do if the doctor told you that you were pregnant?
"NO, SIR HAHA. I AM GAY YOU SEE. : D"

Did the one person who hurt you the most in your life apologize?
Hmmm. Yes. She has, but when she was drunk or something. Not that it really matters, you know? MAN, THIS IS DEPRESSING LOL.

Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Uh. When I feel like hiding it. Depends on how depressed I am. To my closer friends, they can tell. To most, they can't. I PUT ON A MASK, YOU KNOWWW

Are you wasting your time on someone?
Ah, yeah. Unfortunately.

Explain the lasy time you threw up:
Lmao, lasy. The last time I threw up is when I accidently took two teaspoons of Hydrocodone (Vicodin) cough syrup. You're only supposed to take one because that stuff is STRONG. And I guess needless to say I threw my guts up. Maybe about 5, 6 times?

Last thing that made you cry:
Uhhhh, today. Lmao, out of frustration. Tomorrow will be better I'm sure. Oh, who knows. It doesn't really matter, lmao.

Do you have a bad temper?
I can.

Do you think you'll be married in 10 years?
Marriage, I've come to know, doesn't work. I don't need legal documents proving my love. We can make it without the legal benefits I think. I don't know. Ten years is pretty far away. But I don't really believe in marriage, so most likely.. No.

How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime?
Three.

How often do you think about suicide?
I don't. I have a pretty strong opinion on who think about it. It's stupid. I guess I'll never understand why people would like to end their life. It doesn't make sense, there's always a bright side. People are stupid, and I stop dealing with them (usually) when they start talking about that sort of thing.

What is your deepest fear?
A loved one dying. Not so much myself... Okay, myself too. But mostly somebody I love dying. I couldn't handle that, lol.

Do you REALLY love all your family?
For the most part, yes. I hate 'em sometimes, but hey.. Who doesn't?

What do you want to believe in?
I'd like to believe in God, actually. I'd like to feel secure like that, but unfortunately I actually use my brain.

Do you have a secret crush on someone?
NEXT QUESTION?

Are you proud of who you are?
I'm not too sure about that. There are some things about myself that I find to be admirable, but there are A LOT of things I don't like. The cons outweigh the pros, I suppose. No, I'm not proud of myself.

Do you feel alone even in crowded rooms?
I do. Usually when I'm in a crowded room, it's somewhere I don't want to be. Naturally. Eh.

What is the worst thing a person could do to you and still be forgiven?
Uh.. Overall I'm a pretty forgiving person. I guess abuse drugs my whole life and step back in like nothing happened. Lmao, once again DEPRESSING.

You're dying in 10 seconds, what are your last words to your best friend?
"See you in hell."

...to your worst enemy?
"Fuck this, you're coming with me."

Do you care if people hate you?
No. I don't. Okay, I do. ALRIGHT. Most people, no. If a few selected people started hating me, I would definitely care.

Freedom or safety?
Considering we have a lack of both in America.. None of the above. Though, I would rather be free than anything. Freedom is everything. Lmao, no.

Think of a random person, and give them a message here, no names:
STOP THE PICKLE JOKES.

Has a song ever made you cry?
A few have, yes. An example.. Uh.. Waterfalls - TLC. It reminds me of my parents.

A book ever made you cry?
Nah. Made me think, made me really uncomfortable, made me really bored. Never mde me cry.

Is the world crumbling to pieces?
No, and I'm tired of people saying stuff like that.

Name a moment where you couldn't control your rage:
WHEN MY MOTHER DIDN'T GET ME CHOCOLATE CAKE. No, uh.. Probably when Quay accidently burned my sister. Ugh. Horrible New Years that was. All the holidays have sucked so far, haha.

Name one moment where you sincerely wanted to just die:
When a good friend of mine did. DEPRESSING.

For the last one, just say anything you want, anything at all:
DER SNITZEL WIENER?! :D

There's random ink on my finger..

I deleted all my previous posts! God, reading back on those..
What the fuck was wrong with me? Drama queen or whaaat?

Ah, for once this year (2010, lol) I'm feeling in a good mood. I woke up, and was like, "WOW, WHAT A GOOD FEELING." Probably because I'm not in school. Oh god, that would suck right now. I really don't want to go back to that place. All my troubles lie there. Let's save that for another time.

I think today I might go walking and take pictures. I'm still feeling tired, though, that might conflict with my plans. And the doctor told me to be "calm" with myself. Apparently I'm a beast or something, Idk. I need some good pics on my camera. Something to look at.

Who knows, it's early. Still have the whole day.. What am I going to do today?

Screw this, I want to talk about something. Something interesting, enticing..

Alright, I realized I can't really write when I'm happy. It's like, when I'm depressed and such, I can write like fucking.. Edgar Allen Poe, but when I'm happy, feeling alright, I can't. I think that's a sign of something. Maybe it's like... A SPLIT PERSONALITY. No. Maybe? No.

That would suck, right? If I had two me's. Wouldn't know which one you're talking to. My dad had something like that, I think. Multiple Personality Disorder, yeah. I wonder how confusing that was to mom. To everyone, really. God, I hope I don't have that. No, I think other people would be able to sense something like that, and I would already be at a therapist. Well, I was at a therapist for some time, but only for my mother. AM I BABBLING? Babbling I are.

I'm listening to calm music.. NOTHING HARDCORE.

So it was recently brought to my attention how amazing I am. Just kidding, we're not going to go there. I fucking love Diet Coke.

Alright, I'll post later. I suck. :D