I'm not entirely sure why I write in this thing anymore. I figure nobody reads it, and that's fine by me. I like the thought of knowing somebody could stumble upon it, though. And read my thoughts.

Drug addiction.

It's the saddest, most pathetic, most irritating, most depressing thing on this planet. You may think, "Well, gee, Julia! What about the earthquakes in Japan? 10,000 people dying? Haiti? Katrina? Egypt in shambles!"

Well, I say fuck you, this is more depressing and irritating. You think I give a shit about those people who I've never met? No. Most of the world doesn't either, so long as it didnt happen to them. You pray that it doesn't happen to you one day, but then when it does, you finally sympathize with those people you never helped. Well, me, I'm the opposite. I've had my whole life ripped apart, and I could still not give a rat's ass about anyone but me and my sisters.

She doesn't understand, and I don't see how. What the hell is wrong with her? See, I can't force myself to pretend to actually like her, let alone stand her. I do love her, but I will ALWAYS love my sisters more than her. Always. Always. My love for my mother is minimal, meaning I can take it or leave it. Right now, I'll take it. Because she's the only person who can get my sisters back. Or at least, that's Plan A. Plan B is Nina adopts them and I take care of them during the day. But that's irrelevent to this whole paragraph. We haven't even gotten there yet. But I'll take her love, I'll put my dwindling hope in her for the time being. She has time to prove herself, assuming she doesn't go to prison for 15 years. But if she does, oh well. OH WELL. Because we'll still have Plan B. Plan C, which should come before B, really, is that Arturo will get the kids IF he gets out of prison.

So we have:
Plan A
Plan C
&
Plan B.

Perfect. And if all else fails, I'll donate to the Red Cross for Disaster Relief (Plan Z!)

God, I smell good.

Jesus, I havent posted on this thing in so long. Mainly because I havent had the resources, nor the time for that matter. My laptop (Hp Mini Netbook, thank you very much) got stolen by god only knows who, and there went my internet (and everything else that I need to survive).

As for the time factor, I lied. I have plenty of time on my hands these days, it's just... I don't know, I dont really feel like writing or anything. Nothing much to speak of. Nothing exciting or out of the ordinary. Just me.

Although I did figure out that Lady Gaga's next album is coming out some time in 2011, which almost made me pee myself in excitement. She says it'll be like "nothing you've ever heard before." God, I can't wait! I love ALL of her songs, and it's about time I hear some new ones so I can love them too, right? Anyways.

I've been thinking about my future and whatnot, and I think I've come to the conclusion that I want to be a chef of some sort. You know, like open up some sort of diner or some shit? But that's for later. First I want to travel, THEN because a famous chef. Way to go, me.

Uh... Nothing else, really. Bye?

Labels: oKA

Previous post: Win.

You know, I listen to all these love songs and I can't help but wonder.. Do these people singing actually know the first thing about love? Do they sincerely know anything about the subject? Seriously? Then it makes me question -- It is really these people who write these songs? It could be other people, you know. And they're just not saying.

Like.. Okay, Justin Bieber? I think that's his name, the kid's what..? 12? And he's singing about spending the rest of his life with girls and stuff. You KNOW this kid doesn't know what the hell he's singing about. I'm sorry, I just don't buy it. I just don't buy that people actually fall in love these days. How do you know for sure anyways?

How do you know you're not in love, but actually have an obsession? Oh god, obsessions. Speaking of those, my loves, I think .. Those can be classified as addictions, right? I guess I'm obsessed with a lot of things, then again, who isn't?

Think about it.. We all have our mini addictions.

Mine?

Let's see.
Sleep. Knowledge. Eyes. Love. Cell-phone. Life. People.

Hate.

Hey, you know what?


Fuck all of you. :D

Dear Anna and Vally,

You're too young to understand much of what's going on right now, or what's going to come. Of course, in the coming years you'll finally realize. I can tell you two will be intelligent, will see life for what it truly is, and I pray to god my mother doesn't put you through the crap she put me through. You guys are precious little souls and deserve nothing but the best out of life. My little soldiers, so if and when times get tough, you have to be strong like your big sister, okay?

I'm going to be leaving soon, and I think if I had any regrets, leaving you guys would be the worst and biggest one. But you see, I have to leave. I can't take much more of Alabama. I need to get out of here. I'm pleading for your forgiveness in advance, I suppose.

Valentina, you've taught me so much and I sincerely think you've saved my life. Made me see things in a totally different perspective. I've done so much just to see that goofy little smile. And I'm sorry when mommy and I yell, we can't help it. We don't get along. And I'm sorry you have to suffer, I know you hate it when people yell. I used to hate that, too. Which is another reason I have to leave -- I can't take much more yelling. I know you love your big sister, and it brings a smile to my face just thinking about it. You and Anna are just that, my happiness. I can turn to you guys and just.. Be happy. I want you to take care of Anna. Make sure she doesn't get into too much trouble, if any. But mostly this goes to you, because I know you can mischievous. Behave.

Anna, the day you were born, it gave me so much more hope. A new beginning, new life. And it was beautiful (you, not the birthing process haha). You were beautiful. And you still are, chubby buddy. You realize that all of mommy's children helped her in some way, right? You helped her realize she needs to get her life into shape. She needs to stop being a child. She has responsibilities, and this is a big thank you, Anna. Thank you for being there for my mother, thank you for saving her life for the third time. The last time. You're starting to crawl now. You're good at it.. You're so young and you're crawling like a pro. Sure you may fall down sometimes, but you get back up. And good job. I love you, you know that? Always remember that.

Just know when Julia's on the road, you two are in my thoughts always. Everyday. And I will never, ever forget you guys. I'll visit, it may take a while, but I'll visit. To see how much you guys have grown.

Love you two.